I did not write at all in 2014. Barely wrote in 2013. Injuries in running and issues with infertility plagued my thoughts. I wasn't sure what to share and what to keep as my own.
The thing with infertility is that you start to beat your inner self up. Everyone around you is getting pregnant and that becomes annoying and frustrating. Especially when you have no reason for the cause. Unexplained fertility is the diagnosis. Every moment is focused on what to do to become pregnant. Don't run too much, don't eat sugar or wheat and dairy or drink caffeine, but do try maca root, green tea, evening primrose, and other weird shit and drink lots of water. Oh! and just relax! Oh yes that one. How on earth can one relax when trying to do everything possible to become pregnant? Well, after 2 years of ttc (trying to conceive) and yes once you have been trying for awhile there are all these acronyms for words like when I finally got a BFP (big fat positive). See what I mean a complete drain suck. But it sucked me in. And then after a wonderful canoe trip on the Bowron lakes we had a miscarriage. I didn't have time to become too excited as I was still in shock with finally becoming pregnant. It was a blow, and it took its time to set in, but at least we could get pregnant. Right!? Finally I knew how to let go without giving up. I have always wanted to be a mom and thought that letting go and living life was giving up. This is when I thought lets get a puppy. Mikka changed that for me.
One day I was browsing border collie puppies and a breeder had a few left. I showed Andrew the puppies and info on the breeder and unexpectedly he said lets go. A couple days later we were on a ferry to the Island and back again with lovely Mikka.
Mikka aka "sneaky Meeky" is 7 months months now and she has given me so much unconditional love, joy and purpose again. I smile again now with her in it. I dance with her and laugh at all of her silliness. She is going to be an excellent back country and trail running dog. She is already super fast, agile and intelligent. I love her head tilt! She even just recently learned to swim. I am excited for all the adventures that we are going to have together.